It is inconceivable that you have to think about the funeral of your baby when you have just become parents (again). Yet this is the reality and there are choices that need to be made in the short term. Here we tell you about the different choices you can make and what options there are. This help map gives an overview of what you might think of.

Days until the funeral

It is stipulated by law that there may be six working days between the death and the funeral. Here you can see what the latest day for the funeral is. You can only fill in the days until the funeral once and it is important that you make full use of these days to welcome your child and get acquainted. On this page we give tips about this and we have a help card.

Basket/box

In the days leading up to the funeral, your baby may lie in his bed, but for the funeral or cremation you will have to choose a basket, casket or shroud. There are many organizations that make baby baskets and boxes, but you can also make something yourself or buy something yourself. Any shell is good as long as the contours of the body are not visible. So you can also wrap your baby in a cloth.

Location service

You can rent an auditorium at the cemetery or crematorium where you can hold a service, but you can also opt for a more intimate setting. This depends entirely on the number of people. At most cemeteries and crematoriums, they have family rooms or living room auditoriums that are much smaller and more intimate than an auditorium. You can also choose to hold the meeting at home or at a nice location nearby (church, café, beach club, community center, sports canteen, farewell house)

Seating arrangement

In many auditoriums, the seats are arranged in rows, which doesn’t really fit a baby. Many parents like to sit in a circle around their child or put the chairs in a horseshoe shape. Ask about the possibilities. In some auditoriums, there are additional costs involved. Also, think about who sits where. Who do you want close to you so that they can support you? And who better not to side by side? Because unfortunately, sometimes there are somewhat disturbed family relationships and it would be very annoying if they overshadow the goodbye of your child.

Decorating the space nicely

You can make the space beautiful with candles, flowers, stuffed animals and other things that suit you. Keep in mind the booked auditorium time. You often can’t get into the auditorium very long in advance and everything has to be cleaned up within the time limit.

Speeches

During the service, the parents can speak, but you can also ask friends or family to say something. This can be a piece that has been written by yourself, but you can also read a poem or read a story.

Music

We have included a special link here with music that fits your baby’s farewell.

Flowers

Flower arrangements come in all shapes and sizes. Florists often have special flower arrangements for children, such as a heart, star or butterfly. You can order flowers from a funeral florist, but you can also ask the florist on the corner to make something for you or you can make something yourself. When choosing the flowers, think about the dimensions of the basket. It is best to order small flower arrangements that are no larger than the basket. You can also choose to have all guests bring one flower to make a beautiful bouquet.

Souvenir booklet

Often there is a book of condolences at a funeral. For a baby, many parents do not find this appropriate and opt for a memory booklet with blank pages in which all guests can write something or the children present can draw something.

Photos

You have so few memories that it’s important to have photos of everything, including the funeral. You can do this yourself, ask family/friends or hire a farewell photographer. If you choose specialized baby funeral care, the funeral director will take the photos. They always offer this and have a lot of experience with this.

Videos

Moving images and sound are also very important. You want to remember everything and with video you can easily retrieve the footage. In most auditoriums there is the possibility to have the service recorded. This is done with cameras in the ceiling that are hardly noticeable. The quality is good but not outstanding. You can also choose to put a video camera on a tripod yourself or you can hire someone to make a professional farewell video.

Catering

If you want to eat something with your guests, you can think of rusks with mice to celebrate the birth of your child. If you opt for a gathering at home, you can even make or bake something. If you choose to meet in the auditorium of a crematorium or cemetery, this is often not allowed and you have to use the catering options they offer. There are often price lists on the website or your funeral director can help you further.

Remembrance ritual

Of course, letting go of your baby is impossible. That’s why it’s nice to let go of something with a ritual. You can think of balloons, blowing bubbles or butterflies. You can also give your baby ribbons in his hand that you leave hanging out of the basket. At the moment of the final goodbye, you cut the ribbons and half stays with your baby and half with you.

Giving your baby something

Many parents like to give their baby something. This can be a cuddly toy, or a photo, but also a drawing or a piece of jewelry. Choose something that is meaningful to you.


Bury

Perhaps you already have a cemetery in mind? There are cemeteries of different orders and sizes. Most cemeteries have a separate children’s area. This is often a brightly decorated piece, where many parents create a warm and cozy place for their child. When you decide to bury your baby, it’s always good to go and have a look together, or possibly with family and friends and choose a spot that feels right. So take your time for this.

When your child is buried, you can slowly lower the basket or casket into the grave after the farewell service. In many cemeteries they make an entry grave for children. One of the parents can then step into the grave and the other parent can hand over the basket or box.

Cremate

When you decide to cremate, your baby will be burned in his casket or basket into a fine ash. You can keep these ashes at home, bury them or scatter them. Some parents like to have the urn at home and set up a special place where you can light a candle.

Another option is to scatter the ashes in a place that is meaningful to you. You can separate a small amount of ashes to use in a piece of jewelry, for example.

Burying the ashes is also possible. Most cemeteries have such a special urn field, but not all. So check this carefully at the cemetery.

There is a legal waiting period of four weeks before the ashes can be collected from the crematorium. In exceptional cases (e.g. departure abroad), the funeral director can submit a request to the public prosecutor to be allowed to collect your baby’s ashes earlier. In the event of a death under 24 weeks and if there is no permission for cremation, this period does not apply and you can often collect your baby’s ashes the next day.

Each baby is given his or her personal identification number in the form of a refractory stone. This stone always stays with the ashes and therefore ensures that there can be no change of ashes and that you always get the right ashes to take home.

Specialized funeral organizations

Many parents want specialized care. The death of a newborn baby requires a different approach and there are different options and possibilities than with a deceased adult. In the Netherlands, there are specialized funeral organizations that focus specifically on deceased children and two organizations that focus specifically on welcoming and saying goodbye to babies who have died during pregnancy or around birth.

We advise you to contact specialized farewell care because they only guide parents who are in the same situation as you and therefore know what it is like to lose a baby. In addition to saying goodbye, they also pay a lot of attention to welcoming and getting to know your baby. It’s also nice that they don’t work with packages, so you only pay for the services you purchase.
They also have a lot of practical information about, for example, cooling, baskets, music, texts and books, but also photo books that might help you on your way.

Contrary to what some funeral insurance policies say, you are always free to choose your own funeral director.

Specialized baby funeral care

Since 2014, IMA Farewell Care has been working with professional valedictorian caregivers who have experience with the loss of a baby in their own way. Ima afscheidszorg was the first specialized baby funeral company in the Netherlands. They work nationwide.

Phone: 085-877 08 09
https://ima-afscheidszorg.nl/
info@ima-afscheidszorg.nl

Since 2017, Houvast funeral care has been working with professional farewell supervisors who are also experts by experience. They work in the central and southern part of the Netherlands.

Phone: 0416-23 43 63
https://www.houvast-uitvaartzorg.nl/
info@houvast-uitvaartzorg.nl

Never Forget has been working throughout Flanders since June 2019

Phone: +32 499323049
https://nooitvergeten.be/
welkom@nooitvergeten.be

Specialized children’s funeral care

Kleine Ster, Rotterdam region
Kleine Ster is a funeral company that specializes in funerals for babies from 16 weeks of pregnancy, children and young people, but can also take care of funerals for adults.
The funeral director is Kitty van Dijk.
Phone: 06-12620598
https://www.uitvaartkleinester.nl/
info@uitvaartkleinester.nl
Watch Kitty here in the broadcast Doodgewoon (2017)

Soft Children’s Funerals, region Noord-Holland, Zuid-Holland, Utrecht and Flevoland.
Chris Beekman takes care of children’s funerals and owns the mini hearse.
Phone number: 020 – 6955530
https://www.zachtkinderuitvaarten.nl
mail@zachtkinderuitvaarten.nl

Babyster Funeral Care, region Noord-Holland and Zuid-Holland
They guide parents in saying goodbye to their child. Specialized support of a baby who has died during pregnancy, just after delivery and of young children.
Phone number: 085-4010859
https://www.babysteruitvaartzorg.nl
Info@babysteruitvaartzorg.nl

Berber Pasveer Funeral Care, Friesland region
Losing a child as a parent is the worst thing you can experience. Suddenly, you are faced with a difficult and emotional task to arrange the farewell of your child, while you are intensely sad. There’s so much coming at you. Berber can and wants to help you with this and guides you from the beginning to the end.
Phone: 06 15966090
https://kinderuitvaartzorg.nl/
info@kinderuitvaartzorg.nl

Funeral guidance Merel Westermann, Amsterdam region
Since 2007 in the , before that he worked in maternity care.
Telephone number: 06 – 44 98 07 03
https://www.uitvaartamsterdam.nl
merel@uitvaartamsterdam.nl

Liaison Funeral Guidance, Noord-Holland Noord region
Telephone number: 06 – 12 36 22 56
https://liaison-uitvaartbegeleiding.nl/
info@liaison-uitvaartbegeleiding.nl

De Wending, Utrecht region

De Wending supervises funerals of children and young people and has an eye for things that really matter. We not only listen to the head, but also to the heart.
Phone: 0345 52 44 71
https://www.uitvaartdewending.nl/
info@uitvaartdewending.nl

Moonlight children’s funeral of Els den Otter, South Holland region
Telephone number: 06 26 07 06 26
https://www.maanlichtkinderuitvaart.nl/
els@maanlichtkinderuitvaart.nl

Knuf en Ko, region North and South Holland, Utrecht
If everything is suddenly different, if your world stops spinning, then nothing makes sense at all. The last thing you want right now is to make arrangements for your child’s funeral. Desley and Sanneke understand this and they want to be there for you and help you in every possible way. Lovingly, at your pace and professionally.
Phone: 085 004 34 03
http:// www.knufenko.nl/
info@knufenko.nl

Jeannet Admiraal, Drenthe region
Telephone number: 06 – 39 45 11 88
http://www.kinderuitvaartbegeleiding.nl/
info@kinderuitvaartbegeleiding.nl

Carla van der Burg children’s funerals, Groningen
region
Phone number: 06 – 12 50 97 76
https://www.kinderuitvaart-groningen.nl
info@carlavanderburg.nl

Erna Jansen Funeral Care, Friesland
region
Telephone number: 06 – 30 38 95 94
http://www.jansenuitvaartzorg.nl/
erna@jansenuitvaartzorg.nl

Valé Funeral Care, region of Noord-Holland, Flevoland and Gelderland

Telephone number: 06 – 40 95 25 84
https://valeuitvaartzorg.nl/
info@valeuitvaartzorg.nl

Marea Funeral Guidance, Zeeland region
Telephone number: 06 – 40 79 65 13
https://www.marea-uitvaart.nl/nl/
info@marea-uitvaart.nl

Agnes Boer, Overijssel
region
Agnes herself lost her daughter Anouk three days after her birth. She supports, guides and helps you with (possibly the delivery and) the funeral of your baby.
Phone: 06-52324020
https://agnesboer.nl/
info@agnesboer.nl

Memento Funeral Care, Overijssel region.
André and Nelleke Groenink attentively supervise the funeral of babies and children.
Phone: 06-43035499
www.mementouitvaartzorg.nl
info@mementouitvaartzorg.nl

You are always free to choose a funeral home that suits you, even if you have funeral insurance with another organization. The choice of a specialist, in the field of infant and child mortality, can be an additional addition.