When your baby dies, you actually lose two things: your unique baby, with his or her name, and all the characteristics that belong to him or her. But you also lose your future that you had in mind with a baby.
Your baby is not coming back and you will have to learn to live with that sadness. You will never forget your baby and you will always carry him with you.
But you may be able to fill in a future with a baby. Your desire to have children does not stop with the death of your baby. That’s why most parents are quick to talk about another pregnancy. Don’t be alarmed by that. That’s perfectly normal and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.

Most mothers who are pregnant again experience this pregnancy as very stressful. It is therefore essential that you are well guided during this pregnancy, both physically and emotionally. It is important that you are listened to and that what you need happens. That’s different for everyone. One would like to be accompanied by the midwife, the other prefers to be under control in the hospital. One prefers to give birth at home, the other wants to discuss a planned caesarean section. Everything is fine, as long as it feels right.


A baby born after loss is called a rainbow baby. The rainbow represents happiness, but a rainbow only appears in sunshine and rain. In this way, the loss of one or more children is never forgotten.
Many parents want to include something of the deceased baby on the birth announcement card. You can mention the name, place a poem that refers to your deceased baby or do something with symbols, e.g. a rainbow, a star, a butterfly. Here you can see examples of birth announcements for rainbow babies.


Interwoven

The child born after loss is the brother or sister of your deceased baby but has never seen him/her. Most parents want their child to know everything about the sibling who couldn’t stay. How do you weave the deceased baby into your new family with one or more children born after the loss?

  • Tell about the baby, mention his/her name.
  • Show photos and videos of you with the baby.
  • Go to the cemetery or stop at the memorial in the house.
  • Read books about a deceased baby.
  • Make a special day of the year’s day. You can do that with cake and garlands.
  • Check out the tips and coloring pages on the siblings page.

The book “Always a child shortage” by Jeannette Rietberg is the handbook for pregnancy after infant death. In this book you will get tips and advice, many experts by experience will have their say, but above all understanding will arise. Understanding your fear, your insecurity and your guilt. It is nice to “get in touch” with other mothers who have become pregnant again through the experience stories. Many mothers like the contact, but do not want to do a pregnancy course and participate in the midwife’s group consultation. What to say in a circle full of happy, carefree pregnant women: “I’m 28 weeks pregnant and our first child died at birth.”


Also Read:

Pregnant after loss. It brings so much joy and hope but also so many fears. “What if things go wrong again?” “What does this baby feel from my grief?” And then you also get all kinds of comments and well-intentioned advice from the outside world. “Isn’t this too fast?” “I’m so glad you’re over it!” “You have to enjoy it.”

Unfortunately, it is not given to everyone to get pregnant again. Some have already had a long road to pregnancy and it doesn’t ‘work’ anymore. Or the age of the mother plays a negative role. It can also happen that it has been discovered that your baby has died from a hereditary disorder and there is a good chance that it will go wrong again. Getting pregnant is certainly not self-evident and brings with it a lot of uncertainty: “What do we do if our baby has this abnormality again?” “Are we terminating pregnancy then?” “Can we handle that grief again?” “Are we eligible for embryo selection?”
Read more about heredity and pregnancy options here .

VIDEOS

Becoming pregnant again: interviews with parents who are (or want to be) pregnant again.

Trying for another baby: “Nothing prepares you for the anxiety. Every scan made me so nervous because the last time I lay down for a scan someone told me my baby had died.”

MEETINGS AND TRAININGS

Nienke van Gulik gives the training Pregnant after loss (Vlaardingen region)

  • in which attention is paid to sadness, fear, guilt, joy and relaxation.
  • You can share your experience with people who understand how you feel.
  • You will get tools to consciously look, choose and experience that you have a choice to deal with these feelings and thoughts in which you will notice that they do not have to hinder you but are actually helpful for you.

For parents who are pregnant again after previously losing their child in the (early) pregnancy, Yvonne Koster of Mourning has developed a special birth course around birth. Parents who have been through the same thing can share their experiences and, in addition to the general theory about birth and childbirth, they also receive exercises and tools to be pregnant and give birth with more confidence and more relaxed. This course can also be taken individually.


Doula Lin organizes cherishing afternoons for women who wish to become pregnant after loss or who are pregnant again after loss. Check www.doula-lin.nl/events for more info.

BLOGS

Blog by Juliette who is pregnant again after Félice’s death.

Blog of Evy who is pregnant again after the loss of Liv.

Blog by Eline, who gave birth to a healthy daughter after her deceased son and is pregnant with the third.