When the funeral is over and everything really seems to be over, a difficult period often begins. Only then will you really realize what has happened and how much your future has changed. You are often still on maternity leave, so you have plenty of time to think about what can turn into worrying. Many parents would like to be busy with their child and it is so painful that that is no longer possible. We can give tips on what is still possible:

  • Make/adjust and send the birth funeral announcement
  • How to Create a Photo Book
  • Editing the videos and making a memory video
  • Create a memory book
  • Create a keepsake box
  • Invite friends and family to look at the photos and talk about your baby
  • Reading books about infant mortality and loss
  • Listening to music
  • Tracking social media channels related to infant mortality
  • Making the grave beautiful
  • Create a memorial spot in your home with, for example, the urn
  • Choosing a piece of commemorative jewellery
  • Watching videos about grief and (baby) loss

Movements matter: it is important that you keep an eye on your baby’s movements during your pregnancy. It’s not just about how often your baby moves, but also about when, how long or how intense those movements are. Babies adopt a sleep-wake rhythm during pregnancy and it’s good to raise the alarm if the baby starts to deviate from it.

HELLP: The Hellp Foundation has made a video explaining 7 symptoms of PE/HELLP. 

Choosing Thomas: if you are told during pregnancy that your baby will die during or shortly after birth, that message cannot be understood. The parents of Thomas (USA) decide to carry the pregnancy forward and depict the five days Thomas is still alive in a penetrating and loving way.

How grief changes over time: ‘You don’t get over grief, you just learn to have it as part of your life.
View the Dutch version here

Looking into the soul, part 1 and part 2
Coen Verbraak talks to people who have experienced what it is like to lose someone.

De Verwondering (The amazement)
Manu Keirse: no longer believes in mourning; you don’t process mourning, you survive your loss and you live with it.

Fatima Elatik: talks about the loss of her baby.

Marguerite de Beaufort: lost two of her five children and a third child became seriously ill. Yet her faith in life remains great.

Straight from the heartEllemijn
 Veldhuijzen van Zanten is an actress and columnist. She is the mother of six children, three of whom died shortly after birth. A story about love, motherhood and proud mourning.

‘It’s hard for me, too’: A letter from a grieving parent

Stillbirth is still birth

After Inez
The story of Denize and Filip, who are ready for the birth of their first child. The crib, the clothes and the stroller have been carefully selected and are ready for use. One last check-up with the midwife and their baby can come. Fate strikes out of nowhere. The midwife does not hear the baby’s heartbeat during this check-up and the young parents end up in a nightmare.

Radio 1 (Belgium) Touché
 Two hour radio interview with Manu Keirse (04/06/2017). The links to listen back to the radio fragment are at the bottom of the page.

“The foundation of love” is the first video based on Kathy Beckers-Mansell’s book “Grieving after Losing Your Baby”. The book and the videos are part of the project “Grieving for the loss of a baby”, which was set up by the “Stichting Boeken van betekenis”. Kathy Beckers-Mansell is a mourning therapist and has her practice “MetJari” in Zoetermeer.

“About Bearing Mourning” is the second video based on Kathy Beckers-Mansell’s book “Grieving after Losing Your Baby”. 

“The New Family” is the third video based on Kathy Beckers-Mansell’s book “Grieving after Losing Your Baby”. 

“Seeing with the heart” is the fourth video based on Kathy Beckers-Mansell’s book “Grieving after Losing Your Baby”. 

“Drowner and beachcomber” is the fifth video based on Kathy Beckers-Mansell’s book “Grieving after Losing Your Baby”.

If your baby has died, it can be helpful and comforting to read books about it. It creates recognition. Below you will find a number of books, magazines and films. The loss of a brother or sister is also very drastic for children. The children’s books that read aloud may help to talk about it and to give meaning to the loss together with them.
You can order many of the books below via the link in the description or via Love from Lauren and Koffertje Troost. You will also find much more about grief and loss.

The help card that is about making memories says that you can read a book to your baby. Of course that can be any book, but Anja Dalhuisen has written a special book for it. It’s called Bye Sweetheart. She talks about it in this video. Thanks to donations from other parents who have lost a baby, we can offer the book free of charge to parents who want to read to their child in the days between the death and the funeral. Send an email with the name of your baby, the date of birth/death and the address where we can send the booklet to info@steunpuntnova.nl.
If you want to read the book after saying goodbye to your child, you can order it via the website of Vlinderkusje.


Fill-in-the-blank books

Children ‘s books

Books for adults

Experience stories

Poetry collections

Magazines

Movies

Unfortunately, babies also die every day and to support those parents, a special app has been developed, the LOSS app. In this app you will find information and articles, but also grief support and exercises and opportunities for contact with fellow sufferers.
Steunpunt Nova will manage the app. We are immensely proud to be part of such a large birth care project.

Read all about the Loss app on the dedicated website

On July 13, 2022, Ruth van den IJssel talked about the Loss app. This interview was broadcasted on SCHIE FM, Omroep Vlaardingen and Omroep Wetering.
Listen to the interview here

At the end of July 2022, Editie NL paid attention to the Loss app and at the end of 2022, the article Have an eye for lost expectations appeared in Vakblad Vroeg.

Steunpunt Nova participates in the European PATH project (PerinAtal menTal Health). This project is intended to help expectant and new parents prepare for having a child and the education that is needed. Synappz is developing various apps for this purpose, a number of which are already on the market: Zwapp+ (for pregnant women) and NeoZorg (for babies who end up in a neonatology department).

From 2019 to 2022, Maasstad Hospital is working with partners in the Netherlands, England, France and Belgium in the international PATH project to prepare parents as well as possible for the emotional rollercoaster that is parenthood. All activities within PATH are funded at European level by the Interregional 2 Seas programme. Read more about the PATH project here.

Looking forward to the birthday means reliving the season in which your baby was born. The memories seem more intense. You reflect on what you did in the run-up to giving birth. You feel again, you relive past times.

If you announce that you are working on the upcoming birthday of your child, people around you will be less likely to forget your child. For example, post a photo on social media that you are neatly making the grave for the birthday. Or send out a card with your baby’s name thanking people for their support over the past year. Tip: also send the card to close friends/neighbors of your parents, so they also get support from those who are next to them.

Ask people around you not to forget this day not only this first year but also in all the years to come. Indicate that you will still need cards and sweet messages in the coming years.

‘Celebrate’ his/her birthday in your own way. You can certainly do that with garlands, cake and a gift. Young children find this quite normal. A birthday comes with cake and a gift.

On the instagram page of Steunpunt Nova , one of the ‘highlights’ contains many other tips to fill in the annual day.

Below you will find organizations/platforms that are there to help you with your loss.

Sweet Angels Setting up an online peer contact group for anyone who has to deal with the death of a (young) child with peers. Contact is via e-mail.

OOK (Parents of deceased child) A national self-help organization by and for parents of a deceased child who offer recognition, comfort and perspective.

Different than expected: an online magazine for all pregnancies that come about differently, go differently or even end differently than expected. Here parents and loved ones will find reliable information from the editors, doctors, nurses, midwives, social workers and experts by experience about getting pregnant, high-risk pregnancies, babies who need just a little more care, psyche and loss.

Talking about loss Talking about loss is a collaboration between funeral organization Yarden and volunteer organization Humanitas. Chat for free and anonymously with a volunteer or ask questions about issues surrounding loss and grief.

Kiss in the wind The book Kiss in the Wind , written by Irene van Wesel after the death of her son Lieve*, has created an online community that supports and develops various projects for fellow sufferers. Earlier this year, for example, the poetry collection Kindje in mijn hart was published, especially for Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, in which all the children given up were mentioned. Throughout 2015, 33 parents have been active in the project ‘Rather with me…‘ to talk about their own child and the way in which the loss is intertwined with their lives. I’d rather be with me… tells, just like Kiss in the Wind, not only about mourning, grief and struggles, but also about taking a child into your heart, love and pride. If you want to read more about the community and publications, click here.

CZB Foundation The Termination of Pregnancy Contact Group (CZB) is a peer support group for parents who have terminated a desired pregnancy of a baby with a serious condition.

World Day of Lights Every 2nd Sunday in December, World Lights Day is held. On this day, people around the world light candles at 7:00 p.m. in memory of deceased children. It doesn’t matter how old the child was or how long ago it was. After all, your child is still your child! Forever in your heart and mind!

Troost.nl is an initiative of the Make a Memory Foundation; a platform for anyone who misses someone. On this website we help you to find a way when you have to say goodbye or have already had to say goodbye to your loved one. Initially, Troost.nl focuses on the loss of (grand)children and brothers and sisters. We will expand this later. Troost.nl wants to become a guide in the event of loss and loss. We’ll help you find what you need.

Grandparents of butterfly children: Facebook group to share the love and sorrow. The grief of grandparents is different from that of your children. This is difficult to share with other people who have not been through the same thing.

1001lichtjes Offers products and services related to saying goodbye and mourning.

The Comfort Tree Provides grief support to children (Den Bosch region).

Apps

Loss-app.nl Loss helps to find others and is a place for recognition and sharing experiences, insights and feelings. A place to comfort, support and inspire each other. Loss supports through simple exercises and insights. These increase your resilience and help you feel stronger. Loss helps you to keep an eye on your mood and ensures that you raise the alarm in time if you can’t figure it out yourself.

On our book list you will find several books and movies for yourself or to read to your other children. The loss of a brother or sister is also very drastic for them and these books may help to talk about it and give it a place.